The Africans they don’t talk about – part 2

Last week a lot of knickers got twisted, a raging debate ensued, and questions were asked, “what about the other kind?” So, it’s only right and fair to write about them. You know, the other type of KenBrits only known to exist to the minority – however, a general feeling is that they might be the majority but since they don’t shout from the rooftops, no one gets to hear or know about them. But you better believe it – they do exist.

These are the people who are doing very well and have reaped the benefits of being in the UK in ways only they can. These are the ones who know how to manipulate the system without hurting a single soul. These are the ones who did super courses in university, sorted their papers well and secured super jobs. These are the ones who had a plan, mapped it out and stuck to it no matter the weather. You will find these people on the fringes of society, but make no mistake – they are not marginalised. They are quiet, and you will never know they exist unless they want you to. They are the stealth bombers of concealed fortunes. These fine men and women don’t advertise their global whereabouts on social media. They globe trot like the stealth bombers they are – they buy 48-page passports and fill them faster than a diplomat. They buy economy tickets, especially when travelling KQ, even though they can afford business or first class in an effort to blind and subdue curious cats. They won’t flaunt their wealth just like that, but if you are in dire straits and trustworthy and you call them asking for a £5,000 loan to be paid at an unknown date and time, they won’t bat an eyelid as they deposit the money in 1.2 seconds flat. One interesting them about these people is that they hide in plain sight – call their phones when they are ‘out of the country’, and they will send an automatic message indicating they are only available on WhatsApp – a half-assed reason would be given months later that they were doing back to back shifts in some drab and dingy hole. You are no fool though, you know they were in a different calling code than you, but you play the fool and don’t press for info because let’s face it, they could be international assassins and you don’t want to be anywhere near them when the shit hits the fan.

When in clubs these guys won’t be splashing out on £1,000 bottles champagne like some Nigerian on crack, oh no, these guys buy and drink normal froth and dress in outfits 20 years out of fashion. They engage in normal conversations and would never get too drunk to talk too much. Amazingly, women belonging to this club can spot their opposite-sex millionaire a mile off and can somehow manage to persuade him to buy copious amounts of alcohol for everyone in the club.

These people have built mansions next to unmovable waterfalls (sorry Waititú). They have retirement homes on the ready, furnished with the finest stuff from the UK – CE marked, fire retardant and all – not cheap knockoffs from China. These people drive around the UK in bangers that have seen better days, all the while they have parked top of the range rovers in some obscure driveway that smells of eucalyptus, in some obscenely serene country mansion in place only a few have heard of. In the UK, they live in council tower blocks and walk around looking like your average council tenant. These people would happily indulge you if you decide to whine and moan about how hard life is. Though they wouldn’t mock you or laugh at you, they, however, won’t/can’t give away any secrets either, and they definitely (bold and double underscore definitely) wouldn’t tell you about the rovers or the mansion sitting comfortably in that obscure location, for two reasons: they don’t want to drive the knife deeper and they don’t want FBI style interrogations. They won’t revel in your misery either – they might try to help you albeit not too much in case they unwittingly recruit you into the secret club of KenBrits millionaires.

They are not all like this though, there are a few exceptions, i.e. those who rub their wealth in your face to exert respect, an air of authority or influence, probably because they can’t quite believe they have made it in spite of everything. And because most people don’t give a rat’s ass about most things, these select few have an insatiable need to want to know you know. Thank goodness they are few and far between.

These KenBrits, it is not that they are ashamed of what they have achieved in the face of adversity and concealed racism, it’s just that they don’t like talking about it for reasons only known to them. But the most highly rated reason of all – prepare to be shocked…. or not: they don’t like advertising their global trotting adventures for fear of those people who call to ask if ‘you could take something for them to Kenya’. There’s a group of people who always have stuff to send – they will call even during the worst times, like when someone has been bereaved and they plan to travel for the funeral. These KenBrits calls and a few seconds after offering their condolences ask if you could take a suitcase for them because you had not planned to travel so you probably don’t have lots to take. They completely ignore the fact that you are African, a diehard Kenyan who always have stuff to take no matter the reasons or circumstances for travel: these are the ambulance chasers aficionados who thrive on drama – topic for another day.

Be humble for always:
Live in the moment:
Do not indulge in self-pity:

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