… people are like a tree #madea
As much as that sound advice tells you to let people who don’t want to be in your life walk, be careful not to uproot your roots. Someone might be a root for you, but you might be a leaf or branch for them – you have a lot to lose if they let you go. Lucky for a few, they are roots to their roots and they know how to deal with upheavals of being human splendidly. I tend to think of the ‘leaves’ in my life in terms of the four seasons… they come out bright and green in the summer (weddings and parties), they fade in autumn (back to work and school), they hibernate in winter (completely cut off) and then starts sprouting in spring (anticipation for summer) – and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. My roots… ahh well, they are rooted firmly and I’m grateful.
One way to lose a root…..
Once upon a time, you were going through a rough time, and all your friends seemed to be soaring and breaking barriers. That man who promised you heaven and earth did not deliver. He vanished from the surface of the earth. That business idea you proposed, flopped and cost you thousands. That trusted circle you immersed your mind, body and soul dispersed and left you high and dry [or low and wet – whichever is worse]. At that moment and time, all motivational quotes and memes became just jumbled up letters and motivational speakers, well they were just clowns as far as your psyche was concerned. And then your feeble mind fixated on that son of the soil who dumped you. It was all you talked about and your leaves and branches withered away. You were left with the strongest root to hold you up, to nourish you, and to keep you rooted to the ground. Unfortunately, you started doing everything in your power to deprive the root of nutrients and we all know what happens to a tree when the root dies.
At first, she was understanding – she suffered the brunt of his betrayal, let you cry on her shoulder, let you drink copious amounts of wine and chauffeur you around town. You constantly called her on the verge of tears – and she said nothing when you burst into tears as soon as she said hello. You threatened suicide, homicide, and everything in between if that man didn’t suffer a fate worse than death. Your bestie aka the root tried everything – from taking you out to nice places to ease your mind and meet new people (probably your next ex), to introducing you to new hobbies to take your mind off things. She even invited you to her gym to release that pent-up aggression, however, the coffee break afterwards turned out to be chips-dipped-in-curry-sauce sob-fests! Then, one day the tough love gear engaged: she decided to give you space to heal and grow. She told you in her last text… “happiness begins from within, and you are your own rescue…” and crap like that.
The realisation hit you like a ton of bricks – She’d cut you off. She’d had it with you and your whining. You seemed to have forgotten you were not the first woman to be dumped. or the last. Until you start turning negative experiences into positive outcomes, she didn’t want to breathe the same air as you and your ‘poor-me-sob-fest’. To cut you off effectively drastic actions had to be taken – she was left with no alternative but to deactivate her Facebook account, snapchat and Instagram. Becoming social media free was the only true way to deactivate you. She blocked you on WhatsApp and all. Being the irrational being you’d become, you assumed the worst, of course, and wailed to the smaller roots and the remaining dried up branches and leaves that your main root had deserted you.
What’s a girl to do! You turned up at her doorstep. When you got there, she was not home, the neighbour assured you that she was last seen that morning on what was assumed ‘on her way to work’.
You made yourself comfortable on her ‘welcome to my home’ mat and waited… and waited… and waited. Common sense told you to leave a note, but since you’d become the devil’s workshop you continued to wait. At some point you fell asleep until laughter woke you up – she stood there hand in hand with a beau, drunk and dumbfounded, “what the fuck?” she exclaimed. “Ohhh….. you are home!” you announced quite unnecessarily and gave them both awkward hugs. “What are you doing here?” Your presence meant the beau had to leave and she was not a happy bunny!
You were both exhausted, so once inside her house, not much was said; your friend gave you fresh PJs and you both went to sleep. For once in a long time, you were in a bubble and slept like a baby.
Three days later you were still there with no signs of ever going home. Your root was left with no option but to engage, once again, the tough love gear.
Formal eviction (figuratively and literally) was the only way out.
Just because you’ve identified that one person as the root in your life, don’t mess it up by becoming a thorn in their rose garden – be kind and mindful for always.
Remember even roots needs nurturing. The way I see it, you must be a root to your root, a leaf to your leaf and a branch to your branch.