Recently I had a crazy out of this world conversation with a friend. This friend has everything – as far as I am concerned – she has a great job, a beautiful flat, great clothes, handbags and shoes and every imaginable accessory. But she is single, a bad thing in her mind. In her hay days it didn’t bother her much whenever she found herself single – she could get any man she wanted including yours – no, I’m kidding, she wasn’t like that at all. She liked to get and keep her own man.
Several relationships later, she’s in her late thirties, no boyfriend or potential future one and no children and suddenly her biological clock is ear-splitting loud, she thinks everyone can hear it. Her mother most definitely hears it and won’t shut up about it. This conversation came about because she was hoping I could hook her up with an eligible man. And since that was not about to happen, we decided to delve deeper into why she was single, yet she looked like every man’s dream.
“What the hell happened with Mr X?” I eventually gathered enough guts to ask her. I’d be thinking about that for a while.
“Oh that! It was doomed from the word go.”
I wanted more information but didn’t ask – I needed her to tell me without obligation.
She went on to explain in great details – I won’t bore you with those details for fear of those busy bodies who try to decipher meanings behind every post. Her main point was that because she was too beautiful for most men to handle, all her relationships are shaky from the word go. This intrigued me so I decided to do a little research.
I heard that a large study conducted by ivy league type universities found that beautiful people are more likely to be involved in unstable relationships than their plainer counterparts – before you throw stones this is a generalisation which means that not every attractive person is in an unstable relationship – I know you know this but just FYI.
The great Maya Angelou once said: “Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise.” Though many may argue that she said this at the height of discussing her sexual awakening in ‘I know why caged birds sing..’ I see a deeper meaning because of how she described her female body. In essence girls who don’t see themselves as beautiful parsé have to have other virtuous qualities in spades otherwise no one will give them a chance. Girls who see themselves as beautiful don’t need to go an ‘extra mile’ to be nicer because their beauty is charming enough. I could be wrong, but those are my thoughts anyway.
Talking to a few beauties [non-friends to avoid bias] I found out several other reasons why most beautiful girls think they can get great men but somehow the relationship ends heartbreakingly too soon. Insecurity, pride, ignorance, arrogance, intimidation, entitlement, but the most poignant – stupidity – like getting into a relationship and expecting your radiant beauty to do all the work while you contribute zilch i.e. smiling idiotically during a debate and not contributing maybe, or having no opinion whatsoever on matters concerning anything etc. Full disclosure: I am not saying all beautiful women can’t keep long-term relationships – like everything in life there are exceptions.
There’s another phenomenon: some men feel so threatened by their attractive women they go on pre-emptive strike and have other relationships (weka pembeni just in case as Kenyans say). These relationships are there for the sole purpose of having someone else in case your attractive partner is snatched up by someone else. The sad thing is that these men believe that, inevitably, their attractive girlfriend will get chatted up by a man with more than they have and will leave them (it does happen to be honest). Insecurity doesn’t even begin to cover this one. Instead of a man doing all they can to keep a relationship alive and active, they do all they can to operate another relationship just in case the one they are in dies, huh?
Another set of people get into relationships with beautiful people – (this goes for both men and women I think, though for the purpose of this post I only asked beautiful [in my eyes] women) – to have as trophies to show off to friends and relatives. Then shit hits the fan when the beautiful partner finds out they are being used this way and ends the relationship. However, exceptions are when the plain partner is significantly older, and the younger partner is significantly young and beautiful, and both entered the relationship with full knowledge of what was expected of them.
There’s another downside to being a beautiful woman: every potential future boyfriend is smitten from the first date, and it is very difficult for the woman to know if the man liked them and want to see them again because they liked their personality, or they liked their beautiful body. Normally the women won’t find out until sex happens and the man gets off earth never to be seen or heard from again. My advice – only go on a second date with people you really like – it’s ruthless [because every single one of them will want a second date] but it’s the only way to weed out losers only interested in your physicals from winners interested in your physicals as well as your crazies. This goes for women too, watch out for hottie boyfriend obsessed with their looks and treats you like a doormat because they can ‘have’ any woman they want.
Evolutionists believe we are hard wired to go for the hotties among us because the primal need is to procreate, but over millions of years we have not only evolved to sit upright and have opposable thumbs we have become vainer – think crazy diets and selfies. It’s natural for someone to be instantly attracted to a beautiful person even when their personality sucks.
To all you beautiful people out there, choose wisely. And whether you consider yourself beautiful or plain be a person of substance, essentially that’s what everyone wants. And another thing elegance is an attitude, have it in spades.