The cry we hear from deep in our hearts comes from the wounded child within.Thich Nhat Hanh
In life, we will always experience conflicts and frustrations with people, things, or situations, e.g., delayed trains, traffic jams, unkind people, ruined umbrellas on a rainy windy winter day, financial stress, exam anxiety, etc.
However, research shows that the major source of frustration and prolonged periods of stress for most people is other people, not things or situations. For example, when you get frustrated with a situation e.g., traffic jams – it doesn’t take days to get over it, the situation is quickly forgotten as the day goes on. However, when the frustration is with people, it lingers for longer, sometimes for years. And when a situation arises which reminds you of that person, you are triggered and react emotionally, eliciting the same emotions you felt when you were frustrated by that person. These reactions are detrimental to physical and/or psychological well-being and usually elicit symptoms e.g., high blood pressure, palpitations, depression, stress, and anxiety.
One way to deal with how you react to frustrations is through healing your inner child, i.e., addressing needs that were not met in your childhood to heal deep-seated psychological wounds that developed as a result of this unmet need. This is referred to as re-parenting yourself. Psychologists contend that most of our psychological problems stem from how we were conditioned at an early age. In my therapeutic online course, you will learn techniques on how to rewrite those scripts by applying spiritual principles using evidence-based psychological techniques.
One example is to identify that person who you feel didn’t meet your need, for example, a parent. Think of the things you’d have liked him or her to say to you. Then write a letter from them by you expressing remorse or reparation (see example below*).
This exercise has profound transformative effects towards resolving those deep-seated longings to feel safe, loved, wanted, and good enough.
This is a letter to express the love I felt for you since you were born. I may not have shown it at times, but I did love you, and still do, the best way I knew how. It is also a letter to ask for forgiveness for some things I did or said to you. Now I understand some of those things may have impacted your adult life negatively and I apologise.
I also believe some of my mistakes have made you a better person, a thoughtful mother, a kind friend, a loving sister, and much more. However, if I could go back and do it again, I would do it differently – with respect, compassion, kindness, and love. But I can’t go back. I trust the following story might lighten your heart toward forgiving me.
There was once a man who used to carry water from a river a few miles from his home. He had two buckets – one with holes and one without holes. Every day he’d take the two buckets to the river, fill them with water and then take them home. However, when he got home, the bucket with holes had no water left.
One day the bucket with holes asked him, ‘why do you fill me with water knowing I’ll be empty by the time we get home?’ The man said nothing, but took the bucket for a walk. He showed him the path from their home to the river. The right side of the path was covered in beautiful green grass, the left side was dry and devoid of any plants. ‘You see, said the man to the bucket, on our way home, I hold you using my left hand, and you watered this side of the path all your life, that’s why it’s green.
This little story is not me trying to justify my mistakes, but to demonstrate that sometimes mistakes are not mistakes, but lessons or the thing you might need to flourish.
For now, I just want to say how proud I am of you and all you do.
I love you indefinitely, mum.
Image credit: Monstera – pexels.com
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