How to identify toxic people 2

The one on how to identify toxic people in social situations.

Those of you who drink alcohol to excess and then say things like “alcohol made me….” [sad face], please stop blaming alcohol, it is not to blame.  Admittedly alcohol lowers your inhibitions, it gives you courage – the proverbial Dutch courage.  It makes you feel invincible – as far as most people are concerned this is fine and it’s ok to let your hair down every now and then. 

The main concern is that most people ‘use’ this opportunity to get drunk so they can blurt out information that was never intended for the masses.  When they sober up and are confronted, they don’t own up, they tend to say things like “I didn’t mean it, or I was too drunk, or someone made me”.  If Dutch courage is what you need to take things off your chest, then man up and stick to your guns when sober.  However, alcohol awareness is key, and the brain will not function optimally or make good decisions when fuelled by Johnnie Walker or Captain Morgan and his crew.  If you don’t intend to follow up on something, don’t bring it up when drunk.

Beware the sub-humans among your drinking ‘buddies’

The worst part is the sub-humans who take advantage of alcohol-fuelled situations.  These people gather information and season it to their liking, then spread it like wildfire.  Many marriages, friendships, relationships have been broken to irreparable proportions due to this behaviour.  These devious ones pretend to drink with everyone, but secretly sober up to stay on top of these situations.  To gather information, they interrogate you like the freaking MI5 or FBI – no mercy.  

When you are well-watered, they seize the moment by initiating conversations peppered with lots of care and concern in their voice, words and mannerism.  Their main goal is to get you talking about things you’ve always wanted to say but was not courageous enough or you didn’t think mattered.  They become that person, (the confidante), you’ve always wanted to tell these things.  Alcohol encourages you to get the things off your chest.  And you do – the confidante cries with you, lends a shoulder to cry on, encourages you to “let it all out”.  They will say things like “it’s therapeutic to talk about these things”.  Their sympathy for you knows no bounds. 

To add to their deviousness, they add sketchy snippets to your story to gain your trust.  They make you believe it’s a two-way conversation when in fact they are interrogating you.  Needless to say, depending on your blood-alcohol level you might not need much persuasion anyway. 

Fast forward a few weeks and you hear all sorts of crap that you supposedly said. 

Beware the ‘caring’ buddy

This one stalks your glass.  They go out of their way to ensure your glass is forever full.  They talk like friends would.  They laugh at your unfunny jokes.  This person has a hidden agenda.  They listen intently on what you say, almost taking notes.  Their mission is more devious than your average rumour monger. 

After you bare it all to this person, fast forward a few days and you are locked in fierce battles with your real friends.  As it happens this caring buddy’s mission was to confuse your already fragile alcohol saturated mind by putting words in your mouth.  Then they call one of your dear friends and start conversations like this…… “I don’t know if I should be telling you this, but…… this was said by so and so”.  They embark on an epic monologue about stuff you supposedly said about your dear friend. 

Understandably you dear friend will be shocked and a bit angry.  Depending on your level of friendship they might take the information with a pinch of salt and confront you or shut you out.  If confronted, you would be unable to deny or confirm whatever was said because admittedly you were too drunk to remember anything.  You will be embarrassed. 

Beware the eavesdropper

This person doesn’t contribute much like the two above.  However, beware what you say in their vicinity.  Most people talk in groups and assume conversations are bound by the unwritten confidentiality rules among friends.  Besides no one is saying anything untrue. 

But for the eavesdropper, that doesn’t matter.  They fabricate information based on facts.  For example, you might say “Saffron wants to join the gym”, the eavesdropper will interpret this as “Saffron is a fat bitch! She should join the gym!”  This is a demented being whose imagination runs wild with bits and pieces of facts, a devious mind whose orgasmic experiences comes from seeing battle lines being drawn.

The mother hen

But thank God for small mercies in the form of real friends who look out for you.  The ones who force-feed you water and tell you when to shut up.  The ones who will stay sober for your sake and make sure you get home safely.  The ones who hold your hair as you retch and spill your guts out.  The ones who make you pepper soup and make sure you eat several bowls before bed.  The ones who tack you in bed and leave a bucket on the side in case you hurl. And most importantly the ones who know you so well they can differentiate facts from fiction and will defend your honour to death.

It’s not alcohol, it’s who you surround yourself with while consuming alcohol.  It is said, “drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness”, #estarsense adds – beware who you show or share your madness with. Alcohol awareness is key in all cases.

***

For more like this….. Join the tribe

Like us on Facebook

Follow us on Twitter

Follow us on Instagram