“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
Lao Tzu
Sometimes people lead their lives by other people’s standards. Sometimes people lower their standards to fit in, and be accepted by what they perceive as superior. Then life deals them a tough lesson to realise their worth.
Things I hear
***
Jacob was a down to earth guy who earned his living cleaning supermarkets. His wife, Rachel, was a mildly successful lawyer who lived in her father’s shadow… until she met and fell in love with Jacob. A man her father deemed unworthy of his daughter. A man whose self-esteem was so low that when his friends teased, ‘you punched above your weight, matey!’, he’d take it to heart and spend countless hours dreaming up ways to improve his worth in every aspect of life.
While Rachel’s family were the prominent-power-wielding-type, Jacob’s were humble people who’d lived from hand to mouth for generations. However, Jacob believed that everything happened for a reason, and when two people fell in love it was because God intended it. Besides if a woman ‘married up’ people congratulated her, but if a man ‘married up’ people ridiculed him – he was intent on changing that mindset by proving he was worthy.
For this Jacob worked ridiculous hours, attended conferences on everything and anything that promised to improve his life. In his quest to live to others’ expectations, he neglected the only thing Rachel cared about – Rachel.
One day he came home unexpectedly to find his wife in the arms of another man. To say he saw red was an understatement. The sight of his lovely wife naked in the arms of a naked man was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. All the suppressed anger and years of humiliation erupted in a fury that gave him superhuman powers.
Instinctively, he lunged at the man, he didn’t care his body would slam into a naked man’s body. His wife was mumbling something as she fished for her underwear at the bottom of the bed. The naked man was trying desperately to protect his area, but Jacob threw punches and kicks every which way. He wanted to destroy him. Rachel, now fully dressed, was screaming and begging him to stop. But it was like Jacob was possessed and breathing fire. Fearing Jacob might kill her lover, she sought help from neighbours – it took 4 men to prise him off the battered and bloodied naked man who was barely alive. He looked at the heap of a man at his feet and realised he’d beaten the man to a pulp – the legendary ‘jesus beating’ or ‘kichapo cha ubwa’ as Kenyans would say. The man was bleeding from every pore and every hole. Jacob was beyond caring.
His wife, on the other hand, cared… deeply. Her infidelity would lead to several things – Jacob, the only man who really loved her, would leave: her family, who thrived on people’s perception of them, would disown her. Her friends would want nothing to do with her. Her clients would have no faith or trust in her. And only hell knew what the wife of her lover would do.
A crowd had gathered outside their apartment with camera phones on the ready. As Jacob ordered the halfdead man out of his house with threats of arranging a meeting with his maker, Rachel begged and pleaded with him not to touch her. She couldn’t be sure she wasn’t next in his destructive rage. The man limped out into the street to a multitude of people taking photos, videotaping, gawking, and firing related and unrelated questions at him. His rescuers shielded him as he pushed his way to a waiting car – a good Samaritan had offered to drive him to a hospital.
Jacob packed a small bag, and without a word to his wife walked out of the apartment. Several miles and hours later, he drafted an email to his soon to be ex-father-in-love demanding refunds for the dowry, fines for the unborn children and years of humiliation.
All his life, Jacob focused on his fears and weaknesses, beating himself up because he wasn’t where he, his wife, and her father, thought he should be. He focussed on what everyone else thought and expected and neglected what mattered most in his life. His wife’s betrayal was the final straw but, in a way, he was grateful for her betrayal. In a moment of madness and utter humiliation, everything came into focus – what was important in his life.
Appreciate people in your life because they are more important than the things you have in your life. Live your life to the best of your ability and not to people’s expectations. What people say about you or think about you is none of your business as long as you respect others, show kindness, show humility and integrity.
You are worthy just as you are. If you want or need to make adjustments or improvements on yourself – do it for you. Remember all limitations are self-imposed.
***
For more like this….. Join the tribe
Like us on Facebook
Follow us on Twitter
Follow us on Instagram
[…] few weeks ago, I wrote about Jacob and how he was betrayed by his wife. It is likely that most of us have been betrayed more than […]
Follow up please