Valentine’s day is around the corner. Most people have partners and better halves they plan to spend a little more of everything on and with – more flowers, more chocolates, more wine, more sex and whatever else they normally do will be tripled. Most have no one to spend anything with so they will make dates with Netflix, a box of expensive chocolates and wine, hot water bottle and duvet. The majority will recycle exes just so they can have someone. A few others will meet with others to trash old flames and share horrid tales of bad dates. A great majority won’t even notice – it will be a day just like any other.
However, the week and weekend before Valentine’s Day – for singletons at least – is like a tortured week of dread and expectations. The nauseating red and pink array of merchandise that no one needs stares at you from shop windows. The only thing stopping you from unnecessary purchases is memories of bad dates: like being on a date with a married guy, supposedly divorced, then his wife turns up at the same restaurant, and worse, he introduces you as a work colleague – just one of many stories I’ve heard over the years.
Having said that, dating is fun – dinners, movies, first kisses, flutter in the stomach when a text comes through, the first touch, the first meet my-friends-and-family etc: serial daters live for these stuff. I hear, though, there are people who go on dates just to ‘keep up with the Joneses’, or so they don’t appear pathetic on Valentine’s Day. I don’t think there’s anything worse. I heard of this man who went on a date with a super freak who talked about nothing but her job, house and car. It was clear from the onset that she expected him to match up or be better.
Another story I heard was where a man proposed to a woman on their second date on Valentine’s day. She said no and was booed off by everyone in the restaurant. It was more embarrassing than being dumped in public.
There’s a cultural trend though, where singletons, especially women are pressured to be with someone or have someone. This, of course, is not said out blatantly but implied in various forms especially where I come from.
In the olden days, unmarried women over 40 were set on fire for the crime of being single. Imagine. I can only speculate the aforementioned ‘pressure’ may have originated from this deadly tradition, especially since the main perpetrators are older females on their younger female relatives. Thank heavens, the ‘setting on fire’ tradition has since died but the pressure lives on. However, the pressure may be dying too, although they’ve invented new and innovative ways to suggest singledom is still not acceptable by shaming and guilting people into relationships, e.g. double-edged and unwanted comments at weddings.
This kind of pressure does not happen to single men in the same intensity. Men are seen as geniuses ‘playing the field’ or ‘eligible bachelors’, and their singletonship is something to be revered. The word spinster doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as the word bachelor, maybe the creator of the word misspelt sinister. When referring to single men they talk of bachelor pads and bachelor rides, and when it comes to spinsters they talk of houses full of cats and cars full of junk food wrappers. Bachelor is appealing and spinster is pathetic: or maybe sexism is overrated.
The new thing on the block is the single-women/men-protests. This is practised by not entering any isles in shops or supermarkets with VD merchandise, or booking a table for one at an exclusive restaurant and revelling in the looks of sympathy and wonderment. A kinder way of giving the finger without giving it: “I am single and loving it!”
However, do not be fooled – despite popular belief – singletonship is not fashionable, it sucks. Absolutely everyone needs or wants someone, even if it’s someone to argue and fight in public with. Most singletons will want you to believe otherwise, but the truth is that these singletons want someone to call ‘my something’.
There’s a popular saying that love is a battlefield. So be prepared for landmines, unfriendly fire and bombs.
Remember a healthy relationship needs open and healthy communication.
Be right with yourself before searching for Mr or Mrs Right.
Adjust your attitude accordingly by taking charge of your life.
Be purposeful, respectful and goodness shall surely follow.
True love is kind.
In the meantime, though, the most autonomous singletons out there have plumbers on call 24-7 to snake the drains every now and then… just saying.
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