Dear …. Actually, I can’t bring myself to dear you…
Did you know…..
A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his/er share of the blame and a little less than his/er share of the credit.
John Maxwell
I left a high-flying career because of your narcissistic ways that made my life a living hell. Admittedly, I didn’t quite understand what you were doing, but now I do. It took time and effort to fully understand the damage you caused, but I am on recovery no thanks to you, but maybe thanks to you because now I am doing something much more worthy of my time and effort.
This letter is the last link to my recovery. I saw how you raised yourself up by pulling me and others down. I saw how you treated me less fairly because I am a few shades darker than you. I saw how you took advantage of my kind nature to control me; looking back now and knowing what I know, I fortified your stronghold on me by stroking your ego. Do you remember that meeting we had with a certain director and you threw me under the bus when you couldn’t justify some things? I was dumbfounded – my silence was not out of fear but sheer shock and bewilderment: that night I cried myself to sleep reliving the scene over and over with woulda shoulda coulda and what-ifs scenarios! However, this encounter unwittingly made me stronger because I vowed to myself that it would never happen again.
My strength was put to test when I stood up to you in one meeting. Everyone was stunned. Those who thought I was a mouse looked on agape. My inner warrior princess began to question and challenge everything you did. Your manipulative edge and control tactics were under threat because I saw through them, but because you are a natural-born narcissist, you found new ways to torment me and push me out of the job.
Your narcissism transformed into bullying and gaslighting. I began to question my sanity. You allocated me tasks you knew I couldn’t humanly complete within a reasonable time period. This completely undermined my credibility. I began to question myself in everything I did. I neglected my overall wellbeing – I wore the same pair of pants for weeks only changing tops and jackets. I stopped wearing makeup. I started missing important deadlines. My home life was wrecked. My friends ignored my calls because every other word was always ‘my boss this, my boss that’, But still my innate kindness still thought of you as a good person, I made excuses for you in my head that maybe you were under some pressure. Later I realised this was fear talking, my survival instincts dictated I be nice to you so you don’t completely finish me, but you did.
The warrior princess re-emerged when you wrote that vile text in a group chat you didn’t know I was in, you deleted it, but it was too late, I’d seen it. The warrior princess in me knew that which doesn’t kill me made me stronger. I’d survived many situations in my life, but the level of stress, despair and hopelessness you put me through was like the last hurdle in rediscovering myself. I confronted you about the text, but shamelessly you denied ever sending it like the coward you are. You waged a new war by challenging everything I proposed, by belittling me in front of consultants, minimising my efforts and maximising my human errors and faults. It wasn’t like you didn’t make mistakes – you made many that legally I can’t put in this letter.
It wasn’t like I didn’t try to please you or put extra hours and effort into everything I did, I even sought therapy because your hold on me was so strong I still thought everything that happened was my fault. This only exacerbated my poor moods and took a toll on my labile emotions. I can’t tell you how many times I screamed into the shower, or in my car, or on my way to work, or when home alone. My self-esteem also suffered. I always thought leaders should empower, uplift and encourage people not to shred them to rags or turn them into hollow shells. You are not a leader, but a manipulative self-centred nincompoop with a ‘my-way-or-the-highway’ mindset.
Part of my therapy was accepting that each and every one of us is responsible for our own lives and happiness. I was not getting any job satisfaction and I realised that if I dropped dead, you’d replace me before my body hit the floor.
Recently I heard you’ve found a new person to torment. I pray for him. One day he too will realise your bad treatment of him is just to inflate your ego and boast your own importance.
Don’t think for a minute you’ve won because I wrote you this letter – this letter is closure for me. I wrote it as part of therapy, putting to paper how you made me feel and the things you did to humiliate me.
I’m doing what I love now and it’s fulfilling, and penning this letter using my restorative voice is total closure.
No regards
Your former employee
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